Mood: Fucked UP
Reading: Nothing
Watching: Toy unboxing videos
Listening to: misc beeping
Eating: Nothing
Drinking: IV line lol

I had a HELL OF A FUCKING 24 HOURS. Basically, I've been hospitalized. Cardiologist appointment Did Not Go Well . Basically my specialist took one look at me and brought in like 10 different doctors, nurses and orderlies and shippd me directly to the critical care ward. It's 8am the next day and I'm still there. Fucking shit awful night.I had X rays and an MRI which was cool. It vibrated and was super relaxing. I'd have a nother MRI 10/10 had a good lil rest. They also put me on a bajillion IVs and LOTS OF DRUGS WOOOO. They put me on the Good Shit. I feel so much better. Though I can't really move or stand or sit up. I can't even get up for the toilet. It's horrible. Last night a nurse helped me wash and change my clothes and brushed my hair and I cried and cried and cried.

Right now I'm writing this blog in the Neocities code editor while touch typing because I can't sit up enough to see my keyboard. So apologies if there's typos and error. I'm doing my best. They still have no idea what's wrong with me. I'll likely update this blog throughout the day as I don't have anything else to do. But the painkillers mean I can at least do this. I'm bruised and battered and full of pin holes and very sore. But I want to live. I'm confident that the doctors will help me and that I can live a long and happy life. I've fought for so many years, I don't wanna give up just yet. I'll never give up I think. When you've been sick for as long as I have you kind of just only have two options: kill yourself or get over yourself. I've continued to choose the latter for 5 years now.

If anyone has ever wondered, this is why I have long gaps of zero productivity and then short periods of massive productivity. I have to make the most of it, and being creative is what I love the most. I had very little stem making those Nu: Carnival pixels but I had to do them ykno? In slightly less shitty topics, I've spent my time in hospital browsing buyee. Oh no. What a stupid dumb fucking thing to do. Depending on the outcome of my stay, I'm buying a damn dress. I've got my eyes on a listing for My Little Red Riding Hood JSK in pink/ivory but I'm NOT posting a link or screenshot because I don't want ANY OF YOU FUCKERS sniping me . You're seriously gonna snipe bid a sick girl?? You monster. I like fairytale themes, they're very cute. I love Disney princesses and stuff. I'd like to get more Disney lolita prints. AP did a lot of super nice ones in the 2010s. 2012-2016 AP is my favourite kinda style era I think .

I'm um. A little nervous I won't be able to go to my anime con trip on Friday. It's Wednesday now and I can't even sit up by myself. So um yeah. Most of my tickets are non refundable. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. Give me a fucking break man!!! Gahhh!!!! I'm hoping the drs figure it out and I'm still able to go. On another note, I'm gonna ask the hospital if they're able to get me onto the supported living benefit. I think being shifted from "a check up with cardiologist" to "critical care" in like 20 minutes I can assume I have a pretty good chance of actually gettng some fucking support reguardless of if they'e able to figure out a specific diagnosis.

Oh well. I think that's about it. The nursesn have given me breakfast and I need to pee again despte not getting to drink anything. Stupid IVs. Did you know you can taste the IV when it goes into your vein?? It's fucked. Anyway. I wanna go home and be better. I'll probably update this thruout the day or make another entry updating you all. Who knows.


I'm staying another night in hospital! Woooo or should I say boooo honestly I don't really know. I've been downgraded to the general ward which is good in that it means I'm at low rick os dying. But also like general ward is cringe I don't get a room all to myself anymore. Also, I've had to make the call against going to Armageddon. I will not be attending violent sobbing but I am just in no condition to go ham wild all by myself for a whole weekend. The doctors still have not found anything of worth. They have however agreed to get me a medical trauma specilist mental health worker AND a social worker to get me onto the benfit that I need. So that's good at least! Oh yeah and also they gave me this insane seditive. I was konked out, saying nonsense, couldn't stand, double vision. I'm still jusy barely awake.

My new ward room is full of old people who snore and strugglt to breath. Lots of gross gurgling and moanin noises. It's so hard to kep my eyes open, these seditives got hands man.
I love you all!