Wellness, healing and horrors

Reading: Sweet Pool
Watching:Is The order a Rabbit?
Listening to:Cute royalty free piano music lol

Hello once again my lovelies! Life has been slow, as usual. But I still feel I should be writing a blog about every week so that I can take the time to just appreciate all of the things that happen in my life every week. It's good for you to just kick back and appreciate life, you know? It's healthy. This week I began seriously working on my lolita zine by starting on my own first article for it. I tried out one of my great grandmother's recipes! I made her coconut ice and did some really nice photography of it for the zine. You won't be seeing it yet though, you'll have to wait for the zine to come out hehehe. I however made wayyy too much! So I got to go around to my friend's workplaces and give some out to my wonderful friends! I was also finally able to pick up the goodies Serena got me at the convention I was unable to go to. She got me an Easter Kuromi plushie and also she remembered that Applejack is my favourite pony

Speaking of the convention I couldn't go to because I was in hospital. All of my medical tests have come back entirely clear! Because pf this, I've been referrerd to a psychologist and diagnosed with a panic disorder So apparently my years of heart woes and constant pain and agony were simply caused by constant, unexpected panic attacks. I didn't know anxiety could be this debilitating, especially as I haven't been like... Consiously anxious. But apparently your brain can be anxious without you being anxious. So like.. My brain is hitting the panic alarm for literally no reason and flooding me with fight or flight response hormones when I'm just like.. eating a sandwich. So that's cool I guess. better than having something like deathly physically wrong with me. Still very cringe tho. Why would my brain do this to me? What did I ever do to it huh?? Why must you make my heart go too fast and my chest hurty. I've had kinda mixed feelings about this diagnosis, but I guess I'm doing ok.

Apart from that diagnosis I also had a lovely visit from my friend Melissa who is now living in Scotland. She is one of my parent's friend's daughters, so we kind of grew up together haha. She brought me some nice little treats from Scotland which I scoffed down immediately. We went to a cultural festival and ate lots of nice food. Sadly I forgot to take any photos of the food. Oh yeah! Also, I've been having rubbish luck with op shops recently! I haven't found a single thing in an op shop in like two weeks!!! But yeah. Not much else really happened this week! I finally made the waist ties for my JSK that I made. And I'm planing on doing some sewing today as well. I also need to start a new cross stitch. I'm gonna do one for my friend's baby girl. It's gonna be a pretty carosel horse in pretty pastel colours using my glitter thread hehe. I keep rewatching old Princess Peachie videos and they're making me really happy. Tbh it's been a bit of a struggle staying happy this week. betablockers really take it out of you. I kinda gotta be constantly fighting to be happy and stay above water, because they can make you feel quite numb and it's really easy to get depressed while on them, but not so easy to get un-depressed . Being on antidepressants helps a lot but you still need to put a lot of work in.

I also want to redesign my portfolio website. I need to boost my portfolio and design skills so I can find a job maybe. I've been re-studying html via w3schools in preparation to learn javascript so that I can make the site responsive and also cool. I wanna try making a font of my own handwriting! I think my writing is pretty cute hehe. So yeah. I'm keepin myself occupied. When I got my medical all-clear at first I was thinking "Oh great I should get right back into working and being a normal person". But thinking about it a bit more and discussing it with mum, I think I'm gonna continue to take time off and work on my mental and physical health. It'd be nice if I could get to a place where I could move out this year Not that I particularly want to leave home, but it's probably about time that I should I'm gonna be 23 this year.

In terms of media, last night I finally kicked my ass into playing a little bit more Sweet Pool. I thought it would be really funny to do a little mini zine or something reacting to every Nitro Chiral game. I did Zenya and Makato's ends. Zenya's was kinda what I expected for that crazy kid but Makato's. Girl you what??? For real??? You fucking ate him??????????
I'm... I...
Man idk how to respond to that. Poor Youji got fucking vored. Give the guy a break. I liked Makato too he was cute fuck.

Other than that i uh. I watched some Is The order A Rabbit? and read some more Gakuen Alice I guess but literally nothing compares to what I experienced last night. Damn. Somehow signficantly worse than when in dmmd Ren eats Aoba. Like at least Ren is a dog. Makato's just some fucking guy. I also attended the Nu:Carnival Neon Carnival LIVE event and played the new ingame event and I also pulled the new Kuya. Rlly need to update my NUC shrine with my clan members. Anyway that's it. There is no recovering from the end of this blog. I'm sorry everyone.
Until next time!

Also I found this cute Slow Damage video video :P