Matariki Reflections

27/06/2024


Hello again! It's been so long since I've blogged! A big reason for that is I've recently become totally obsessed with this online trading card game called Colors. It's so fun. You play little games and do puzzles to collect cards with pictures of anime characters on them, and then you collect them and trade them with other people! Isn't that the coolest? I've always loved the idea of collecting trading cards, but they're always games and the game part scares me due to my struggles with non conventional social interactions. I've worked damn hard to get good at following social etiquette. Don't put me in a situation where I have to follow rules that go against it or use my imagination on the fly without giving me significant time to let me decide if I've being cringe or not. I will explode.

The end of this month marks 1 full year since I moved out of home. I can very easily say I've grown and changed a lot in the past year! I think I'm an all round happier person having moved out of home. In saying that, I'm already incredibly sick of my currently situation and can't wait to move on. But let's see, what have I achieved in this past year? I'm doing well at my job, my health has improved quite a bit (though I still struggle every now and then), I've lost some weight and gained some fitness, I've made new friends, I've been to cool new events and I've learned some fun new creative skills!

I've found myself mostly avoiding drawing this year, instead getting way more into my crafty hobbies. I've been especially into cross stitch. I'm currently working on this huuuuge cross stitch of bears on a tower of sweets. I'm thinking when it's finished I want to add it to a quilt (I also want to make a quilt did I mention that?) Recently I'm very into traditional soft home decor. I love country style, but like in pastel colours. So I've been stocking up on country sewing magazines and raiding the craft stash at my mum's for bits and bobs for cute soft patchwork items. Hopefully next blog I'll have some patchwork items to share! But for now the only major thing I've made is this new lolita JSK. I made this for the coolest event ever which I went to last weekend.

Chocstock,a chocolate convention, was the coolest thing ever. I went with my lolita comm and I will 900% be going again next year. Oh my god. Everything was soooo yummy. I ate so much chocolate. For the day I was there I basically just lived off of chocolate and mocktails. It was so nice to see everyone again!! I've missed my lolita friends. I hope next year after my Japan trip I can go to a lot more lolita events.

Oh yeah!! My Japan trip!! Koinuko and I have booked our tickets to Japan!! We're actually going, can you believe it?? I'm so excited to meet her in person, it's gonna be so cool!!! You bet I'll be blogging our adventure thoroughly when I get back. Ahhh I'm so excited. The wait is so hard, but it'll be so worth it. I've saved up $5k too!!! So I've got lots of spending money for it already mwahahaha. In preparation, I've got a few clothing items I want to make to wear there. I'm also trying to speed through my visual novel backlog but ahhh I am so slow.

But that brings us to the media section! Most of my media for the past few months has been Colors TCG. But I've also been playing Hashihime of Old Book Town. It's a really good visual novel so far. I'll probably play some more of it once I'm done with this blog post lol. As always, Nu: Carnival is kicking my ass. I have failed to pull yet another Olivine. That motherfucker Kuya pulled THREE times!!! Stupid old fox grumble grumble grumble. Playing Colors has also inspired me to revisit some older BL manga. Did you guys know Crimson Spell is finally finished?? I had no idea!!

I'll be turning 24 next month. I kind of have no feelings about my birthday this year. I guess I'll make a cake like I always do. I used to not understand the fear of aging young people have, but I guess I do now. Not to sound like a total incel, but I have been really feeling that hurt of being terminally single while my sexual market value fades into nothing. It's not like I had a lot of value in the first place with my average appearance, being overweight and having an overall disagreeable, cringe, nerd personality (what kind of guy wants to fuck let alone date a girl who looks like a chubby toddler and is into BL and embroidery, come on). But the feeling of "you're about to hit the point of no return" in terms of being almost 25 has been hitting. I've always wanted to get married and have a family when I got older. Move back out to the countryside and build a life. But I know my time to be able to do that is pretty much entirely run out. I mean I can still someday return to the countryside and have a pretty house and garden. But the husband and family part... Hrmmn I think it's a bit of a lost cause by now
But at the same time I feel like finally hitting 25 will be freeing. I'll have absolutely no value or appeal to a possible partner anymore. But I'll also feel no pressure to find one. I'll finally be free to be unapologetically myself.

Tomorrow is Matariki and I'll be spending it working. Which is fine, I can always use the public holiday pay. Though I really hope the store isn't too busy. On Saturday I'll be going to a potluck with my friends. I'm planning on bringing a chocolate cake, along with some pumpkin soup that I made from a pumpkin my parents gave me. I love having dinner parties with my friends, especially in winter. There's really nothing better than snuggling up on couches and pillows with blankets and good food and watching horror movies. Things are continuing to move. I hope you have a lovely Matariki as well!


Until next time!