I love you!!!!!

08/03/2023


Hello again! I had intended to make this blog earlier in the day, but Hamster decided to vomit up his dinner right after I gave him his insulin. Luckily I'm pretty sure he just ate too fast. He seems ok. I've been watching him like a hawk for two hours now. So I feel confident I can finally take my eyes off him and write my blog entry. I've been really good this week, very few panic episodes and when they do occur they don't last very long or get very bad! I've been working on staying productive and have also started walking Hamster daily again! He's also doing much better. I've just kept getting better since getting my panic disorder diagnosis and the all clear on my physical health. I think I'd fallen into an awful feedback loop of being anxious over what was causing my panic episodes, which caused me to have more and worse episodes. Now when I have them I'm able to control myself emotionally and wait out the physical symptoms very easily. I didn't always have an emotional response to my episodes after all, that came after years of having them! They do still leave me feeling physically exhausted, but that's not too bad.

I made a pretty scary decision this week. I'm gonna move out. I don't really want to. I really love my home and my parents and my life here. And I'm really gonna miss my dogs. But also like... Now that I'm getting better and coming to grips w my disorder... I can't really grow any more here. My parents house is very rural, there's not a lot of good work here. And all of the people who live here are... old. I can't exactly make any friends here. I just can't really mature as a person any more here. So I'm planning to move in with my friend Evelyn at some point around June-July. I don't wanna. I don't wannaaaaaaa!!!!! But I know I should. I'll be happier. I'll see my friends more! But until then, I wanna enjoy my time at home with my family and keep healing and doing stuff I love. Becoming an adult through a period of sickness is so strange. I missed out on a lot. But I can finally start to move on and grow up.

This week I had absolutely insane thrift luck. Both online and irl. In the pic for this paragraph I got the Luna Plushie on Trademe for $30 and she came with FREEBIES!!!! Two Sailor Neptune clearfiles and two enamel sailor scout keychains???? Nuts man. On this day (I don't remember what day of the week it was) I scored some videotapes and a whoole lot of embroidery floss! And other stuff too. Then today I went to another op shop to drop off the stuff I picked up from my grandma's. Yesterday mum and I helped my Grandma clean out her craft room. We took so much fabric and wool to the op shop. They were thrilled with it! And while I was there I picked up a vintage, still in box, cotton pajama set!!! I'm wearing it as I type this and it's sooooo comfy.

In terms of media, well I caught up on Sugar Apple Fairy Tale. It's so good!!! Highly reccommend. I also watched a lot of cute YouTubers, so I'll list them for you now

• Unicorn Princess
• Sabrina Lilliane
• Leilani Rika
• Angelic Jellybean
• Pixiedustpeach
• Faerie Pastels

So yeah! A lot of YouTube, not too much else. I did watch Barbie of Swan Lake since I just got it on VHS. And I keep thinking about Slow Damage still. I already wanna replay it. The Towa nendoroid I ordered got cancelled/refunded so I'll have to find him another time. Oh well!!! That's all I really have to say then.


Until next time!